remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
