this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
