my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
