My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
