Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
