new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
