the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
