I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
