woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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