i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
