i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
