on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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