I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize