belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
