I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
