i barfeds in our rink
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
