i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
