those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love accidental penises.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
