dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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