How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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