This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
