my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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