haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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