nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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