I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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