I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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