Yo dont text me then not text me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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