I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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