I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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