in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
