someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
