call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
