Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
