I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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