So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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