I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
