Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize