Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
