there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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