my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize