you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Found your dick twin last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
