He passed out mid-signature
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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