is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
