Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
