Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
