He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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