did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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