Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
