In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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