dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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