Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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