Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
