Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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