after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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