It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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