I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
