so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize