i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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