help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
