the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We're too hungover to prance.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
