just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
