Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They took my balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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