So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
