I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
