no, he came in my armpit
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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