he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
