; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
