I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
