***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
