Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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