U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
